The emotional journey of IVF

Strong emotions are not unusual during moments of uncertainty and there are many moments of uncertainty during an IVF cycle. People experience a mix of positive and negative emotions, sometimes experiencing both on the same day.

“It’s incredibly hard to balance the hope and despair, but it’s so much easier to live with hope.”

The way we define these positive and negative emotions depends on whether the feeling is about something that might happen or something that has already happened.

If something might happen

+ Challenge: ‘I can do this’

When IVF feels demanding but manageable people often feel eager, confident or hopeful. Even though the situation may require effort and adjustment, it is not experienced as negative if we feel we have the right personal and external support available.

This tends to generate an energised emotional state, characterised by approach, problem-solving and a sense of moving forward.

“I feel better doing something that I know is improving our chances.”

- Threat

If we see an event with the potential to have a negative impact on us we may feel worried, fearful or anxious. It’s common to feel these emotions when there is the outcome of treatment is unknown.

Seeing events as a threat is more likely when there is high uncertainty around the event, when you have other stressors or when you’re feeling vulnerable for some other reason.

“I’m waiting for something to go wrong like the last two times I have been pregnant.”

If something has already happened

+ Benefit

If IVF has led to something we feel is positive, people will generally feel fulfilled, content, happy, or relieved. Even if the journey itself has been difficult.

The benefit may be external (e.g., successful outcome) or internal (e.g., increased resilience, self knowledge, or stronger relationships).

“We have three precious embryos and have come so far.”

- Harm

When IVF has resulted in harm, loss, or unmet expectations it is common to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, guilt, grief or angry.

In this case, the emotional response reflects the impact of something bad that has already happened, rather than what might happen in the future.

“I feel really alone and that no one understands how I feel.”

Your feelings will change throughout your treatment

These positive and negative feelings change as you move through the phases of treatment because the way you think about the treatment might change. For example, as you have good news about the progress of treatment, you might have fewer threat feelings and more challenge feelings; or the reverse might happen if treatment is not going well. The key idea is that these emotions are not caused directly by IVF events themselves, but by how those events are understood in relation to personal goals, values and resources.

This is because meanings shift over time, people often experience multiple emotional patterns simultaneously - for example, feeling anxious (threat), hopeful (challenge) and sad (harm) all within the same phase of treatment. This is not uncommon; it is a natural consequence of ongoing sense-making in a highly meaningful and uncertain context such as IVF treatment.

Understanding your emotional journey is a powerful step towards navigating it.

Every journey is different, but you are NOT alone.